Who the hell is on LinkedIn these days anyways?

Unlike the other social networks that cater to their own online insane asylums, LinkedIn looks a lot tamer by comparison.

But even though it’s a lot less toxic, it’s not that much better.

Most of my personal colleagues have only joined, friended coworkers and then ignored the site in its entirety afterwards. However, there’s still a bunch of personalities that run wild in this frontier.

The uber-unemployed: These are guys and gals who have job titles like “Business Growth Advisor” or “Change Agent”, but you know they haven’t had a job in months or even years.

The one-upper commenter: This is someone who always comments on someone’s post because this is their idea of “networking”. It always starts with “100% agree” or “Right on” before they launch into their virtue signaling.

The connection collector: One of my old bosses did this. His goal at any job was to be the guy with the most connections at the company, which he achieved a bunch of times. The only problem is with hundreds of connections, your feed clogs up with dozens of updates and posts from people you don’t know.

The walking commercial: It doesn’t matter if this person’s company has a new product, is promoting an event or a new press release, they’re gonna post a bunch about it. Does this work? Probably not. But it does let their bosses know that they’re the ultimate team player.

The opt-in sneak: I’ve had a few sneaks take my personal email address and throw it in their email list. As a result, I get random emails from realtors, a guy promoting a podcast from their garage, a travel agent sending their newsletter, etc. Although they added one more email address in the really short-term, they have me finding the unsubscribe button the fastest.

The HR Zombie: This corporate nerd (OR “girl boss”) can’t just have a normal job title. They have to have some stupid one-liner like “I provide software solutions to B2B markets” or “Motivated customer success strategist” because some HR snake-oil salesman brainwashed them into following their LinkedIn “best practices” at some conference.

I‘m sure there are more characters in this zoo that I haven’t thought of yet, but I can only stomach so much fake personalities and corporate pandering in one day.

So just remember, the next time you log onto that site…

When someone direct messages you about a job opportunity…

Whenever anybody posts something about “Rise and Grind”…

And even when someone shares a Gary Vee motivational video.

Just know that the whole thing is a fake corporate high-five echo chamber, that’s just designed to generate views and dollars.


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